rainy days in paradise

parrot cay has proven to be one of the less lively places we've ever stayed.
the other hotel guests are extremely boring and bordering rude.
we have tried a handful of times to make conversation with them
and we have been SHUT DOWN at each attempt.
last night, andrew tried to chat with the only other human at the bar about the red stripe
he was drinking. he responded with a "huh.. yeah, red stripe..."
then walked away.

on top of the strange vibe from the guests,
we have been a bit disappointed with the "activities" list.
we scheduled two snorkel trips, a tour of "iguana island" and a trip to a sand dollar bar.
there was also talk of eco tours and boat trips.
yesterday we arrived at the boat dock for our first snorkel.

we were the only two scheduled for the trip.
our guides (two bros that didn't look any older than 18) sauntered up, yelling at
one another about who gets to keep the conch shell that they had collected earlier that morning.
they instructed that we "hop in" and we did so.
as one of them tossed a rope onto the dock, we began to pull away.
he looked at me and said, "lemme give yo twoo sam safety briefs"
(picture the most stereotypical accent you could come up with).
i nod. he points at a small compartment.
"da lifejackets is in der."
then he turned around and sat down next to his friend.

then we take off through the treacherous caribbean waters.
just as the boat begins to gain speed, we come to a screeching halt.
"sandbaarr..." the 'boat captain' mumbles.
then we dodge a few reefs, take out some unsuspecting coral,
and i nearly pee my pants. a few times.
we come to an abrupt stop and one of the bros slings the anchor straight onto a reef.
my heart is now stinging.
they put down the ladder and say, "here ya gow. hop in."
we awkwardly put on our masks and i asked if they had any anti-fog.
one of them grabbed my mask, and squirted some dawn dish detergent inside.
then he rinsed it.
in the ocean.
again- my heart.
i jump into the water and my heart goes from sad to broken.
the reef is dead. like totally dead.
we swam around in circles for about 20 minutes and after seeing nearly nothing,
we came back to the boat.

the guys said "see any sharks?"
"nope..." i chuckled, "do you see sharks often?"
"nahh" he says, "but der be a few beeg ones in der! we once seen a tigah shahk- man he be like
eight feet long! he filled up da whooole truck!"
"oh so you caught him?" i ask
"yah!! but don worry- we ate im too.."
"you ate a tiger shark?" (my eyes widen)
"yah! tigah shahk is gooood! we don waste it..."

quickly after this conversation,
we realize the sand dollar bar is getting completely POURED on- lighting, thunder, the whole nine.
so our guides suggest that we skip it and do it tomorrow.
"iz all da same ting! you doin iguana tomarrow- wez takin you der too! we can sand dollar after dat."
"sure!" (at this point i'm ready to be off dis boat.)

as soon as we dock, the rain hits.
and it hasn't stopped since!

last night we decided to head back to the poirot bar.
let me clarify the poirot thing.
this is hercule poirot:
he is the main character of the agatha christie novels and movies.
the movies are all set in places that look EXACTLY like the parrot cay resort.

anywho, we headed back to the bar where an adorable bar tender served us martinis and snacks.
 the martinis are embarrassingly expensive,
but we treated ourselves to a couple.
 sweet bartender snapped a photo of us.
 ange requested tobasco,
and she laughed at him.
 the bar would be quite a happening place to be, if the people staying here didn't
avoid social interaction like the plague.
 this morning we woke to overcast skies.
 which quickly turned to rain/thunder/lighting filled skies!
 we're going a tad bit stir crazy.
 i mean, its a monsoon up in hurre.

in light of our consistent disappointments and andrew's persistent illness,
we have decided to end our trip a few days early.
andrew demanded we speak with the manager and try to get some of the things we missed compensated.
i told him he was wasting his breath, but that i would tag along for the convo.
the sweet and precious hotel manager came out and sat down with us.
and andrew turned on his famous charm...
i have always known that andrew had charm (i mean, how do you think he snagged me??) :)
but today i really saw it in action.
before speaking to the manager, we had been told that nothing would be compensated.
after speaking to the manager, both nights would be compensated and we are being given a complimentary massage tomorrow morning before our departure!

so the moral of this story is:
the power behind andrew's eyes is greater than we had ever imagined.
snorkeling in parrot cay is depressing and bordering dangerous.
and we can't handle a vacation with you guys along for the ride!

see you back in the lone star state!!


  1. Oh my gosh. Did not know you we're blogging. Glad I'm a stalker and decided to check. So much to say but I have to spit out that you look freakin amazing!!! ...and I'll end with that since you guys are leaving early you should make up that honeymoon time in Costa Rica next month!

  2. Oh lins. That is heartbreaking. After all the work y'all did for the whole wedding and then for that to happen. Ugh. That is so sad!!! I just hate that for you guys. I hope there's a raincheck somewhere else soon. I'm so sorry.