it is safe to say that i am slightly obsessed with holidays. and christmas is the superbowl of holidays. i spend days on end baking treats, perfecting my tree, shopping for the perfect present, and listening to all the classic christmas songs. and yet i would say that even people like me- those of us that really love christmas music- even they reach their limit eventually. we all find ourselves in some strip mall thinking, "i'm going to hold an employee hostage until they turn off this crap." and how many christmas songs are actually in existence? there are a total of like seven songs that have been re-sang, re-arranged, re-mastered until there is nothing left but ashes. mariah, you can sing as loud and as long and as high as you want, but you haven't improved "hark the herald angels sing." and as much as i support the idea of equality, you cannot rap christmas carols. i had the pleasure of shopping to one of those little numbers, and i barely left with my sanity in tact. country artists love christmas music. not sure why that is, but they seem to have a pretty good piece of that market covered. its probably because its so touching, and there is an unspoken law that country music must be sentimental in some way. however, to this day, no one will ever improve on "once upon a christmas with dolly and kenny." i mean, hard candy christmas? perfection.
but the point of all this rambling is that i was just listening to my mix of all the classics, and that "baby, its cold outside" song came on. definitely one that has been drug through the years of christmas because artists keep thinking they can do it better. jessica simpson and nick lachey did NOT do it better. nor did james taylor (sorry man). bette midler, war, rod stewart? please stop! but the most troubling thing of all is the lyrics to this "classic." when i hear it, all i can think about is some poor girl trapped in a creepy dude's house. she's attempting to be polite and he just won't let it go.
my mother will start to worry
my father will be pacing the floor
seriously, thats probably the point when you should just leave. but no, it goes on:
say, what's in this drink?
i wish i knew how
to break this spell
are you insane?? get out of there!
i simply must go
the answer is no.....
well maybe just a half a drink more
what?!? no means no! and then she ends up staying! and in some of the versions the dude singing is way too old to be with the chick. its unsettling.
i'll leave you with that, my friends. i hope you are all having as fabulous a christmas season as i. and to all my ladies reading- thumbs to eyes, and heel to groin. no always means no.
toby the elf- no appreciating his hat.