toby has been feeling painfully left out these days. we drove all the way to dallas (we meaning andrew, toby and myself) and toby didn't even get a front seat- which he reminded us of every fifteen minutes. then we went to the state fair, leaving him alone with bailey (heather's little white fluff of happiness) and didn't even bring back a corny dog. and trust me i am aware of the irony of toby eating a corny dog. i, however, did consume one. i allowed my thoughts to look the other way when the nutritional facts and gluten ingredients tried to tear me away. and it was delish. what was not delish unfortunately was the ride andrew coaxed me onto shortly after the dog. it looked fairly harmless from it's loading position. and from now on i pledge to never go on a fair ride until i have seen it's full potential in action. it lifted us up into the air and spun us in more ways than i thought my organs would allow. and i swear it was the longest fair ride in existence. i definitely remember screaming to andrew- tears streaming- knees locked- white knuckles gripping the handles, "tell toby i love him!" thankfully i made it off alive.
and once i regained my ability to walk, we got to go see the petting zoo (with a really awesome llama) (two l's?), and then went to the big tent where they put all the shit you win prizes for. this included some bad photography, impressive quilts obviously sewn together by color-blind quilters, and a giant butter sculpture. next door was the "as seen on t.v." tent. i got a full sham-wow demonstration (which is in fact just as impressive as the television version) a fudge sample (which i'm not sure was on t.v.) and finally the smokeless cigarettes. the smokeless cigarette sales woman (who's voice suggested her lungs were quite happy about the invention) explained to me that it has all the benefits without the negatives. you recharge the end and it gives you a little puff of nicotine! and she enthusiastically showed me how she was currently smoking in a "non smoking" place. the tip even lights up red for the effect of something burning. this was too much for me. i exited the tent.
my sweet and tiny grandmother was surprisingly enthusiastic about finding some fried butter, and though we did eventually find the stand, the line was the longest of any others at the fair that day, and thus we did not partake. (the previous sentence alone is one of many reasons texans have a stereotype). at this point i had seen enough of the fair and it had seen enough of me. we exited feeling full, dirty, and smelling of llamas. all in all it was a success.
sadly, toby did not see any of the fried wonders. one can only imagine what his little heart might have done.